Self-care through Routines
by Sam Ege, LPC
With what has felt like eternity to some, the COVID-19 pandemic has changed the way that our society functions day-to-day. For generations, everything we did was primarily face-to-face, whether that was in school, with friends, or at work. After the initial stay-at-home order, we learned that a majority of these settings (i.e. work, school, etc.) could be transitioned to an online version, for the time being. This shift led to us needing to change our routines.
I think it’s safe to say a good chunk of us took advantage of the opportunity to adjust our routines without having to factor in traffic and with an extra hour or so of much needed sleep. We no longer needed to factor in travel time or traffic, and we didn’t have to wait in drive throughs as more things could be delivered right to us. This provided efficiency in ways we didn’t think were possible, but this efficiency isn’t as versatile as we once thought.
The world is cautiously opening up and more people are reentering the world of person-to-person interaction, trying to find the normalcy that was left behind when the pandemic began. People have asked me, “Can it be the same as before?” and “What does “normal” look like now?” While we can’t predict the future, we can build a foundation for ourselves to be better prepared for when things don’t go how we planned. We can do this through building healthy and realistic routines that provide structure and stability in a time where that seems unattainable.
For some reason, I’ve found that the concept of a “routine” is associated with built-in time constraints and obligations. For example, the “standard” 9-5 work day or the 7:30-3:30 school day, Monday through Friday. Now that those settings are moving into the home, does the built-in structure look the same? Apparently not! What we have now is an opportunity to build our own schedules, routines, and expectations for ourselves.
Routines are best made at the individual level, no two humans are the same and not everyone can be expected to follow the same routine or schedule. Therefore, it’s important to only focus on you, the reader, and what you want your schedule to look like and what is achievable. Think about what your goal is when building a routine. Is it for efficiency? Time management? Scheduling regular self-care or exercise? Whatever it may be, make it your own.
Once you’re fairly certain why you want to build a healthy routine, think of your obligations, the activities or events that are required for your lifestyle (i.e. work, school, medical appointments, sleep, etc.). These are your priorities, like when you make a budget, you have set expenses like your rent/mortgage, student loans, and your Netflix subscription. Start by visualizing your schedule using a physical planner, your online calendar, or just a plain piece of paper, and put your obligations into each day.
Next, think about what you want to do. It sounds simple, but it can take some time to think about what you’re really wanting to do. This requires you to think about your goals for yourself, whether your goals are personal, work, or school related. When I made my routine, I knew that one of my overall goals for myself was to feel healthier in my body and my mind. Exercise has proven to help me achieve that goal, so that needed to be in my weekly routine.
Remember, we only have so much time in the day or week, so we need to make our goals and actions realistic. There needs to be a balance between an idealistic schedule and a realistic one. For example, I know that exercising 7 days a week doesn’t account for the unpredictability of life. Seven days may not be feasible for me, but I also want to push myself to remain diligent towards my goal of improving my overall health. Solution? I’ll try to exercise 3-4 days a week, depending on what life throws at me. When thinking about what you want to do in your week, make sure you don’t over-commit yourself to more than you can handle. We can’t change everything at once and it’s okay to prioritize what you want to change like your job, your health, or your social life.
Look at the schedule you’ve created so far. Do you have a schedule that includes your weekly obligations and time to fit your desired activities? Once you do, get another sheet of paper and make two columns; label them “Spontaneous” and “Scheduled”. These refer to the rewards that you will incorporate into your routine.
I can imagine some of you are questioning the purpose of rewarding yourself for something you “should be doing anyway.” Humans are limitless in many ways, but humans are limited when it comes to energy and motivation. Sometimes our internal motivation doesn’t cut it; we need a boost, that’s where the external rewards come in. For some desired activities, like me and regular exercise, I know I can’t rely solely on my internal motivation to accomplish them, and that’s okay!
Those more difficult goals may become more manageable if we designate a specific reward associated with the completion of them throughout the week. For example, when I exercise 3-4 days a week, I reward myself by ordering take-out just for me! Another goal of mine is to wake up at the same time every day, when I do that, I get to treat myself to a specialty coffee at a local coffee shop, something a little more exciting than my regular cup at home. These designated rewards are the “Scheduled” rewards, that implies that you can only have the reward when the desired activity is completed.
For the “Spontaneous” rewards, these refer to the “treat yourself” moments that we can have throughout the week. When I have a particularly tough day at work, or something unpredictable happened that caused me a lot of stress, I can choose to treat myself to a chocolate bar from the local convenience store.
Life is hard enough as it is and rewarding ourselves in moderation is something that can help us avoid the burnout, the exhaustion, and the slumps that we regularly find ourselves in. Life is hard and unpredictable, having wiggle-room in your schedule can help too, sometimes we get sick, sometimes we’re out of town for work, sometimes we have too many projects and not enough time in the week. With these uncontrollable circumstances, we can give ourselves grace and understanding instead of punishment for not accomplishing out weekly goals. Research shows that punishment doesn’t help increase frequency of behavior, but rewards do! When we try to do something for ourselves, punishment for not doing them doesn’t help you, rewarding yourself does.
Once you finish your schedule, think about how manageable it is. Do you have enough time to eat, sleep, and maintain yourself? Do you have enough time in between events to factor in travel time? Do you have self-care regularly scheduled and when? And most importantly, can it be flexible? Our schedules will change time to time, but once you practice your routine for a few weeks, you’d be surprised of how much easier it becomes and how much better you feel.