How Depression Impacts you & your Partner
By: Yani Roman MSW, LSW
Mental hygiene involves the routines and habits that help maintain and improve mental health and emotional well-being. This includes managing stress, keeping a balanced lifestyle, practicing self-care, and getting professional help when needed. However, it can be tough to stick to these practices, especially for someone struggling with depression. In a relationship, the person dealing with depression has to think about not just their well-being but also how their symptoms are affecting their partner and the relationship as a whole.
Depression can seriously impact how two people connect in a relationship. For the person dealing with depression, it often means feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or disconnected, which can make them pull away from their partner. This withdrawal can be confusing for the partner who is trying to understand and support them.
Communication becomes a major challenge because the person with depression might struggle to express their needs or feelings clearly. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration on both sides. As for intimacy, the emotional distance can create a gap, making it hard for both partners to maintain the closeness they once had. Navigating these changes requires patience and effort from both sides to keep the relationship strong and supportive despite the hurdles.
Below, I have included a few ways that depression can impact relationships:
Lack of energy or motivation to do things
Dependence on the relationship
Barriers in communication
Isolation
Lack of romance and sexual intimacy
Uncertainty
These challenges can make couples feel more distant and strain the relationship. The person with depression might withdraw, causing both partners to feel isolated and misunderstood. This growing distance and frustration can make it feel like the relationship struggles are too tough to manage without extra effort and support.
In couples therapy, the client struggling through symptoms of depression might come into the therapeutic space hoping to “fix themselves” so that their depression doesn’t continue to impact the relationship dynamic with their partner. The partner on the other hand expresses their hopelessness and fears as they attempt all possible ways to help their partner feel better.
As a clinician, it is my job to educate couples on identifying the barriers that they are both facing. One client is navigating debilitating depression that feels too heavy to carry and the other client is trying to find all possible ways to support their partner through their depression.
When working with couples, I adopt a collaborative approach to identify each person’s current needs and explore how their partner can best support them. Additionally, increasing connectedness is part of the goal that I like to navigate with couples.
Ways to Support Your Depressed Partner
Seeking Individual Treatment: Often, therapists like myself recommend individual therapy for addressing personal needs, particularly when those needs require more focused, one-on-one treatment. Individual therapy can further expand on the work that is being done in couple’s therapy.
Creating a Self-Care Plan: This can include, implementing ways to spend more time outside, practicing relaxation techniques, increasing exercise, and participating in activities and/or hobbies, staying connected with friends/family.
Increasing Connectedness Through Somatic Touch Somatic touch exercises can be a powerful way for couples to connect and support each other. These exercises focus on using touch and physical presence to enhance emotional intimacy and communication
Gentle Holding: Sit facing each other and gently hold each other’s hands or embrace. Focus on the sensation of your skin touching and the rhythm of your breathing. This simple act can foster a sense of connection and calm.
Heart-to-Heart: Lie down facing each other with your hearts aligned. Place your hands gently over each other’s hearts and focus on synchronizing your breathing. This exercise can deepen your emotional bond and promote a sense of unity.
Comfort Touch: Practice offering a comforting touch, such as a hand on the back or a reassuring hug, in moments of vulnerability or stress. This type of touch can provide reassurance and strengthen emotional support.
Regulating The Nervous System: Practices such as active listening, shared breathing exercises, expressing empathy, gentle touch, and validating each other’s emotions can play a crucial role in helping you and your partner regulate your nervous systems, additionally, some of these exercises can also help in building connection.
Active Listening: This involves fully concentrating on what your partner is saying without interrupting or planning your response while they speak.
Shared Breathing Exercises: Breathing together can synchronize your physiological states and promote calmness.
Expressing Empathy: Showing empathy means acknowledging and understanding your partner’s feelings without judgment. This can create a safe space where both partners feel supported and valued, fostering emotional resilience.
Gentle Touch: Physical touch, such as holding hands, hugging, or a light touch on the shoulder, can be soothing and reaffirming.
Validating Emotions: Recognizing and affirming each other’s feelings helps validate their experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.
These resources can be helpful when navigating depression with your partner and finding ways to support each other's needs. I often remind couples that our goal isn't necessarily to resolve every issue perfectly but to enhance their sense of connectedness, support, and understanding, both within the relationship and beyond it.